My Relationships

Have you ever noticed the way a baby looks, smiles, or gurgles at you? All those gestures they make are their way of communicating with you, and they're very good at it, even though they can't say a word. That's because babies are naturals when it comes to making friends. But as we grow up, it becomes more difficult, and many of us feel that making new friends is a challenging process. But it doesn't have to be. Here are five simple steps to take: Fight the fear. Number one, fight the fear. The reason babies are so good at socializing is not just because they're cute, but also because they're not afraid of rejection; they don't even know it exists. But as we grow older, things happen. Not every person we talk to will want to talk back to us, so we feel rejected, and the next time we're more hesitant to talk to a new person because we remember how it felt being rejected previously. And so we're scared to take that risk again. But you have to fight the fear of rejection. Rejection is normal; we all experience it. But don't let the fear of being rejected stop you. For more info on how to fight the fear of rejection or failure, watch this video on the right of the screen. So, number one: fight the fear. Fight the fear, and next time, if you see a kid you'd like to be friends with, don't let fear stop you—go up to them and say hi. Number two is: do it over and over again. Do it. Not everyone you talk to will end up being your friend. That's because we're all so different, so not everyone will be a good fit, which is why you need to try to meet more people. Basically, the more kids you go up to and talk to, the more chance you have of finding some really lasting friendships. Number three: listen actively. People love to talk about themselves—it's just human nature. So, after introducing yourself, ask them something and actively listen when they respond. You know sometimes when someone is talking to you, but you find yourself thinking of something else? Well, that's the opposite of active listening. Active listening is when you truly listen to the other person and understand what they're saying. It's a great way to build a connection while at the same time getting to know the person. Number four: practice empathy. There’s a saying, "To have a friend, you need to be a friend." Truly being a friend involves actively listening to them, as mentioned before, and also practicing empathy. Empathy is when you put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel what they are feeling. So, for example, if you're an only child and your friend is telling you about a fight she had with her sister, you would imagine what it must be like having a sister and how you would feel if you had a fight with her. So even if your situations are different, you can still imagine and feel what she is feeling at that moment. That really allows you to empathize with your friend and give her some good advice, or just be a listening ear if that's all she needs. Number five: be yourself. Please never, ever try to change yourself to fit in with the crowd. We are all different from one another, which is a good thing because we all bring different experiences and qualities to the friendship. If you were to act like someone else, then the friendships you formed would not be genuine—they would be fake. So don't try to shape yourself to fit a group. Instead, be your beautiful self, and the group that comes about will be your group of friends, the ones that have similar interests and enjoy similar things. So there you go, a few simple steps to help you make new friends. Try it out and let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you. You can leave a comment in the comment section below or write me an email at myownemail@jamiesfree.com. Share this video with anyone you think might benefit from it, and as always, please don't forget to like and subscribe. Never forget: you are your own superhero.

Now that you have a better idea of what bullying is, let's talk about what to do about it. Bullying only happens to the quiet kids, right? It's actually not so simple. It can happen to the shy, quiet student or the silliest student in class. Anyone can bully too. Girls bully, boys bully, preschool kids bully, and high school kids bully. Heck, even adults can bully too. There is no one kind of person that bullies, which can make things kind of complicated. The one thing to remember is that no one ever deserves to be bullied. Normally, when we think about bullying, we think of one person being mean to another person. While this can certainly happen, in reality, it can be more complicated too. While one person can bully another person, bullying can also happen in a number of different ways. For example, one person could bully multiple people, or one group could bully one person. I mean, the list really could go on and on. Regardless of how it is happening, bullying is about what people are doing, not about who the person is. In other words, just because a person may be bullying another person does not make them a bad person. It means we need to give them a chance to change. So let's talk about how to do that. There are three roles in a bullying situation: the person who bullies, the person who is bullied, and the witness, sometimes also called a bystander. We've already talked about what you might see happening between the person bullying and the person being bullied, so let's really focus on that last word: witness. What is this? What does it mean for us as far as doing something? Witnesses are people that see bullying happening. You become a bystander if you watch and do nothing. When you watch the situation and you don't try to help, this can actually make bullying worse because it provides an audience and may make the person bullying think that they can get away with it. It gives them power in the situation. So what should you do if you see bullying to avoid being a bystander? First, talk to the person being bullied. If you know someone in your class or school who's being bullied, talk to them. Kids that are being bullied feel better when they know they have friends to support them. It also helps them know that you are willing to help. Don't be afraid to ask how you can help. Would they like you to say something to a teacher or another trusted adult for them? Or maybe, if you feel safe doing so, speak up and say something to the person bullying. If the person is friends with their bully, remind them that kids who hurt their friends are not real friends. Encourage them to hang out with you by including them at recess and lunch, or help them make a new friend by introducing them to yours. By now you might be thinking, "Okay, this is great, but what do I do if it's me that's getting bullied?" Here are some do's and don'ts if someone is bullying you. Let's talk about what to do first. If you don't feel safe, try to get away. Walk or run, if you have to, as fast as you can. Try to stay calm. This is really tricky, because it's hard to stay calm when we're hurt or frustrated. But remember, people that bully are doing it on purpose to hurt you. Being able to stay calm helps you stay in control of yourself. Try to take deep breaths and focus on yourself. Please tell an adult about what's going on. So many kids don't want to tell an adult about the bullying because they think it's tattling, but there's a big difference between telling and tattling. Telling helps keep you safe and can protect you, while tattling is done to get someone into trouble. Some trusted adults you could speak to may include your mom or dad, your teacher, school counselor, or coach. Try to tell them as much as you can remember about what happened, like who did the bullying, what happened, where and when the bullying occurred. If you can, find a buddy. Try to stick with other kids. People tend to bully others when they're alone, because there's no one else to see what's happening. So stick with other kids and stand together. Last but not least, if you feel safe and comfortable, stick up for yourself. Tell the person to stop bullying you. Use an "I" message or another assertive comeback to get your point across. Here are some things that probably won't work out so well, and you should try to avoid if possible. Please try not to bully back. Whatever you do, do not join in on the bullying behavior. If something that a person is doing to you hurts, then you should not do it back to them. This might just make things worse. Another thing that could make things worse for you is getting physical. If someone threatens to hurt you, don't fight. Instead, get away as fast as you can. If you have to defend yourself, do it, but make sure it's your only option and go for help as soon as you can from a trusted adult. Try not to threaten or call the person names. Again, doing this can just cause the bullying to get worse. When you are hurt, annoyed, frustrated, or angry, and cannot speak calmly, walk away and try to do something else. Lastly, do not ignore the bullying and just hope that it stops. Unfortunately, people that bully are not likely to stop by just being ignored. And honestly, some kids might not understand that what they're doing is bullying until someone tells them to stop. Everyone deserves a chance to change. Decide whether you want to stand up for yourself or get help from an adult. And remember, if you are being bullied, please tell someone. This situation is not your fault and has nothing to do with who you are. Bullying happens for so many different reasons, and the best thing you can do for both yourself and the person being bullied is to get help from a trusted adult. Thanks for watching, kids! For more information about what to do about bullying, ask an adult to help you visit these websites. Teachers and adults, if you are looking for more ideas on how to address bullying in your classrooms or at home, visit my website at selsketchies.com. And as always, stay tuned for future SEL Sketches videos.